journal no. 2 : lessons in living

Listen

 I have learned a lesson over these past few months since I moved out with my sister. Actually, I have learned several lessons, but this is the most recent. And it is... *drumrollllllllLLLLLL*

 If I want a valuable life, one that I am happy to live, I must add value to my life. No one else will do this for me. I will not get handed magical experiences. I will not be given a list of life lessons. I will not be rewarded for work I do not do, or risks I do not take. But every day, every day, God gives me the opportunity, and the free will, to add value to my life.

And that is something in and of itself, to be excited about!

So, if you are unhappy with what consumes your life, if you feel controlled by your circumstances, or if you believe that nothing good or magical or special ever happens to you, perhaps you too need to be awakened to all of the endless possibilities, as I have been. I am sure this realization of mine will be challenged. I will compare my life to other people's lives. I will grow weary of work and school. I will probably want to give up, because giving up always seems like the answer. But I truly believe I have learned something that has the potential to be life-changing. 

After all, who knows what miracles can happen when you believe.



M.

sail away

Listen to Benedictus

Watching this was a lot like what I imagine meditation to be. I have to imagine it because I can never calm my mind down enough to truly meditate. I am always thinking frantically and worrying. My mind won't stop whispering and my brows are stuck in a furrow. But this was transcendent. You cannot tell where the sea ends and the sky begins. It feels as if you are sailing through nebulas. God's world is the epitome of beauty. Its simplicity is splendor, its quiet is mighty, and its chaos is order.

M.

From... John Keats

self care recipes

 I really like taking good care of myself. It makes every part of my life more enjoyable. Sometimes when I am busy, I push it away thinking it a waste of time. But that is when I need to stick to it most so that I can feel sane and remind myself that I am h u m a n. I have become enthralled by making my own self-care products because, one, I can be 100% sure they are cruelty-free and vegan, two, they. work. so. well. I don't use natural deodorant or toothpaste because, well, they don't work. But these skincare and haircare concoctions are MAGIC. And, three, I spend a lottttttt less money than I would buying the finished products. I don't have a lot of money to put towards products, so this enables me to have what I need and I am so happy that I can at least do this. I thought I'd share my favorite discoveries and creations so far so that you too can benefit from them!

Face

Spiced Scrub

I came across this recipe years ago on Pinterest. (That one had specific measurements and was for the body. I forgot the measurements and use it on my face. oh well.) I have used it off and on ever since, but recently it has become the only exfoliant I use on my face. It tones, cleanses and exfoliates all in one. My skin loves this for some reason. I (should) use it every other day so as to not over scrub my skin.

Mix organic honey with cinnamon, nutmeg, and clove. Measurements don't matter much here. If you add more cinnamon, you will definitely feel a tingling sensation on your skin. I have no idea if that's a good thing. I like to add more cloves because they are the best exfoliant out of the three. You just want to have enough spices in the honey that they can work their magic. Sometimes I make mine close to a paste and other times it is mainly honey. I store mine in the fridge because I like the cold. Spread on face, neck and decolletage (you can use this on your entire body if you so desire) and leave sit until skin begins to tingle orrrrrr as long as you feel like it. To remove, don't splash your face with water. Instead, wet your hands and fingertips and start rubbing in circular motions all over your face to exfoliate. Rinse face and always moisturize.

Coconut Oil Makeup Remover

Fairly simple. I use coconut oil to break down all of my makeup and then I go over with a regular remover. The best thing about this is the fact that the oil actually starts to disintegrate my mascara which WILL NOT come off of my eyelashes with a standard remover, and that you are moisturizing your face and especially your eyes when you use it.

Body

1/2 & 1/2 oil scrub

NO animal products involved, nor any milk for that matter. It is simply equal parts of oil and sugar. I would suggest olive, avocado or almond oil and a mixture of the large crystals of cane sugar and some finer ground coconut sugar. You can also add an essential oil of your choice. Use this to scrub your whole body.

Hair

As of right now, I haven't tried very many handmade hair masks besides blending avocado up with honey and oil. It was pretty good, but rubbing the ends of my hair with coconut oil about a half an hour before I shower seems to give me better results.

Those are my favorite recipes so far, but I hope to find many more. I want to use oranges, green tea, and shea butter in the future. I will update this post when I come across new favorites.

M.

the stolen child by W. B. Yeats

 This, and Ode to a Nightingale by John Keats are two of my favorite poems. One summer night, I created a melody to sing the poem to. I imagine a banshee would sing this as she cries.


WHERE dips the rocky highland
Of Sleuth Wood in the lake,
There lies a leafy island
Where flapping herons wake
The drowsy water rats;
There we've hid our faery vats,
Full of berrys
And of reddest stolen cherries.
Come away, O human child!
To the waters and the wild
With a faery, hand in hand,
For the world's more full of weeping than you can understand.

Where the wave of moonlight glosses
The dim gray sands with light,
Far off by furthest Rosses
We foot it all the night,
Weaving olden dances
Mingling hands and mingling glances
Till the moon has taken flight;
To and fro we leap
And chase the frothy bubbles,
While the world is full of troubles
And anxious in its sleep.
Come away, O human child!
To the waters and the wild
With a faery, hand in hand,
For the world's more full of weeping than you can understand.

Where the wandering water gushes
From the hills above Glen-Car,
In pools among the rushes
That scarce could bathe a star,
We seek for slumbering trout
And whispering in their ears
Give them unquiet dreams;
Leaning softly out
From ferns that drop their tears
Over the young streams.
Come away, O human child!
To the waters and the wild
With a faery, hand in hand,
For the world's more full of weeping than you can understand.

Away with us he's going,
The solemn-eyed:
He'll hear no more the lowing
Of the calves on the warm hillside
Or the kettle on the hob
Sing peace into his breast,
Or see the brown mice bob
Round and round the oatmeal chest.
For he comes, the human child,
To the waters and the wild
With a faery, hand in hand,
For the world's more full of weeping than he can understand.

the sleeping human

I miss Steven Moffat's Doctor Who. Everybody's thinking it, I'm just saying it. The latest season is positively disgraceful. It's so unfortunate that they should switch writers JUST as they decided to make The Doctor female. Now, it looks as though the series is weakened by this gender switch, which is not the case. Perhaps I will write a post on this to get my feelings out.

But for now, I have written something that reminds me of good ol' Doctor Who. There is a very special balance of the magic of fairytales, myths or legends, and the intense and baffling mystery of sci-fi in every episode of Doctor Who. That is what I tried to capture here. The concept (which I gave .3% thought to) is that some humans left to live on Mars, while others stayed on Earth. Eventually, the "Martians" returned to help Earth with their new knowledge, etc. to find that all the Earthens were dead except one. That one is asleep in Camber's living room. When things got very bad, the Earthens attempted to preserve their lives by sleeping in the pods until the Martians could return and save them; however, something went wrong (villainous sabotage? a fluke in the system? I don't know) and only the sleeping woman is left. I never finished it, but I imagined they would go on a great adventure together.

(quick note: I had an OBNOXIOUS time getting this to paste into blogger without all of the text going into one longggg line across my blog and into the white abyss of the internet. So if some of the formating is messed up, it is 50% because of Google Docs and 50% because I'm stupid.)

 

The Sleeping Human.

There's a woman asleep in my living room.
She's been there for a while. So long, in fact, that most days, I don't even see her. I rest my oatmeal on her face, and mother sets her tea on her knees. Before you call us names, you should know that she's in an immovable case made of titanium glass. It's basically indestructible. My family should know. She's been here for decades. Centuries probably! My parents have tried everything, but here she stays, asleep amongst all of our history. Sometimes I wonder if she's listening. If she can hear me through the glass. I put my face right next to it, and see if I can catch a flicker of an eyelid or a finger twitching. But she's always as still as stone, save for her chest rising and falling in a slow breath. A breath as slow as death. 

This morning, my parents kissed me goodbye and told me for the billionth time how to use the food dispenser, and not to forget to turn the solars on. They are going on a tour of the Old Landscapes. They're historians, and that means everything in our house is historic too. Old chairs, old paintings, old gadgets, and collectibles. We even have a sink! I like it. It makes me feel like an Earthen.
(Long story really short, my people are descended from the humans who were brave enough to venture to Mars, but years and years and years later, we came back to find that there were only a few Earthens left. We tried to help them, to heal them. But, they all died. Every one of them. Except the one in my living room.)

"Camber?"
I pull my eyes away from the sleeping woman's hypnotic breathing.
"Why don't you cover it up, or something?" My friend Lux says, standing at the edge of the living room, her feet rooted to the ground. I smile. Lux is terrified of the woman in the box.
"Because," I pause, thinking about it. "Because, I think she'd be lonely," I say.
Lux doesn't stay long. She and I play around with my projector, making shadow mustache's on Earthen art, and I think she's forgotten about the woman. But, when we eat our food packs, she continues to glance over her shoulder at the case until she mumbles something about homework and rushes off. I don't mind that Lux doesn't like the sleeping woman. Perhaps I would find her scary too if I hadn't grown up with her.

It wasn't until late that night, the eve of an old Earthen holiday called Christmuse, that I noticed something strange. Yes, it was very late. Yes, I ate close to ten A.M. food packs, but I know what I saw.

My head was bobbing as I sat slumped in the armchair watching the holovision. Flakes of snow cast shadows on the wall, like dozens of shadow fairies, (something I love about Earth is the seasons! There are four of them!) I followed one with my eyes as it danced down the wall, over the couch, and onto the sleeping woman's face.

That's when I froze.

The woman in the box. There was something different about her. Something very different. I squinted. In the dark, her hair looked dull, her clothes pale. Her chest rose and fell as it always had, but then I saw it. Her mouth. She was... smiling. A small smile, yeah, but she was smiling. I jumped up and tripped over the chair. My mind felt numb. I always imagined what it'd be like if she woke up, the things I'd ask her. But now, I just felt… scared. I didn't have time to think about it though, because no sooner did I stand up, than a hissing noise fill the room and the top of the case slide in on itself like one of those elveator doors. I think I screamed, but let's pretend I didn't. I know I stood there, rooted to the spot like Lux. A sort of mist dissipated from around the woman, and I could see her face clearly for the first time in my life. You could've heard my heart beating from the street. She was still, so still. Her white hair was long and twisty, her lips a purplish red. Nothing happened. She didn't move a micrometer. I looked at her clothing. She was dressed in jeans and a sweater that I was pretty sure was made of actual animal fur. Snowflake shadows twirled over her face, and as if they tickled her awake, her eyelids began to flutter. Okay, I admit it, I started to panic. I stepped back to the wall, hiding behind the solar lamp (not my best hiding place, I know.)

Her silver eyebrows fell into a frown.

"Oh…" she spoke. She actually spoke. Then, she coughed, "My mouth is so dry," She blinked, staring at the ceiling, swallowing millennia of dust bits. I considered running for it, but I honestly couldn't move. I was transfixed by her. Then, like a spring from a box, she sat up with a woosh, and looked right at me. All I could think was that her eyes were green. I'd always wondered what they'd be. Earthen's had a high rate of brown I think, but I'd dreamed of blue.

"Um… Hello," she said.

Imagine if your pet or your favorite doll just stood up and started talking to you. Something that you've known for a long time, but that's never known you. Now multiply that by one hundred. That's how I felt.

"H-hello," I stuttered from behind the solar lamp's pole.

"Sorry," she spoke with a strange accent. (If you're wondering how I could understand her, all students have to learn Old Earthen, A.K.A the single most boring subject I've ever taken. Now, I wish I'd paid closer attention. I hate it when school comes in handy.) "Could I have a glass of water, please?" she said.

"H-have at it ," I said in a tone at least two octaves higher than usual. I was actually afraid I was going to faint, "The kitchen…" I pointed weakly to it. The woman lifted her legs over the edge of her case and stood. She was taller than I'd expected. That is, until she fell over, sending an end table flying.

"Sorry! It's been a while," she pulled the table upright again, adjusting the now broken petals of mother's onyx mechrose. Then, she used the wall to stand again. She began bandy-legging to the kitchen, but I stayed in the living room, too shocked to move. The sleeping woman. She'd woken up! What would Lux say? What would my parents say? I watched the woman search through the cupboards. They would probably tell me she was dangerous. But they weren't there. I was. So, I followed after the woman, who had given up searching the cupboards and had placed her head under the faucet, gulping water.

"Yes, hello!" I said again, sounding stupid. "I've been waiting for you to wake up for ages!" She came up for air, the tip of her nose dripping.

"You? Waiting for me? What ever for?" she said, the wrinkles around her eyes deepening. I frowned too.
"Well, you've been asleep for a really long time, and I've been watching over you, I guess."
"Oh, I see. Are you a volunteer, then?" she said and then suddenly, her face darkened and her eyes darted to and fro as if she were seeing everything for the first time. "This isn't The Hold…" 

"No… It's my house," I answered. Without a word, she wobbled past me, looking up the staircase, out the windows, and up the chimney. She then began inspecting every inch of her case. I joined her, eager to see the inside.

M.

From... Enya