journal no. 1: the road goes ever on and on

the melody

 I had a dream last night. Well, it was like a dream. I saw myself walking down the trail of grass we have behind our house. I was so distressed, and was crying so hard that I stumbled more than walked. At the beginning of the path was snow. But the further I walked the more springlike it became. God was watching me in my pain and he knew how much it hurt me. How badly I wanted to escape my turmoil. So he took my pain away. I left the path and stood in the field. My feet became the roots of a tree and slowly I turned to wood. My arms were branches, white almond blossoms blooming from my fingertips. Just before my body became a fully twisted tree, I looked up at the moon, which was fading because of the sun rising. My final tears rushed from my eyes and I felt at peace. My pain stopped and I danced with nature in the soft sunlight.




  That dream terrified me. I have always believed that I would rather feel pain than nothing at all. I feel as though I am weakening the longer I struggle. But I must remain strong. Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the decision that something else is more important.

The road goes ever on and on.

M.