the secret

listen

 I haven't written on here at all this year. 

sometimes, this blog feels like an old friend. whose eyes are full of such knowing, that it's overwhelming to gaze into them again. 

will they see how I've changed?

will they tell me the changes were a lie? untrue? or worse - very much true, but wrong?

they're looking into me right now, unblinking. but so friendly. and warm. 

lately I've been struggling with the feeling of stagnation. of knowing how hard I've worked to grow, and how I've felt my mind and soul stretch and stretch almost to breaking, but I look down and see I'm no farther from the ground than I was before. is it an illusion? or is the concept of being able to grow on, away from something, from "before" the illusion? 

I'm not sure. I think, perhaps, it doesn't matter. what matters is that if I keep my eyes on the ground, I'll never reach for the stars. 

and that's what I plan to do. 

reach for the dusty, glimmering, pearlescent stars with both hands and my whole heart open. God placed something in me long ago. I struggle to define it, though I have tried to before in my writings here. it's this undying hope and ability to see that no matter how much I want to indulge my sorrows, to despair at the mere few inches of space between me and the ground below, I know better. 

it's almost as if I know a secret. a secret I try very hard to share with others. this secret gives me a lightness. it raises me up, and keeps me moving forward. I can't help but believe. 

believe for a future. believe for change. believe for amazing things-impossible things! 

maybe it's an overactive imagination. but, I've always known it to be something quite serious. serious and amazing. 

today was one of those days. where all I see are my failures. where I feel chained to the ground, doomed to gaze upon the stars trillions of miles away from me forever. I felt it. I cried over it. I'm not even sure what 'it' really is. 

living to the fullest? not quite. but close. 

soon, the secret was out. it dissolved the 'it' as rain washes chalk from a sidewalk. it was gone in a swirl of colors. and light took its place. 

you can do anything. you can run towards your fullest life, you can be authentically wholly you, you can choose joy every day. you can be invincible. it all starts inside. 

I like to think we all have a secret in us. and some just forgot. here is your reminder; nurture that hope and that light. that's what divides those that seem like they have the sun shining from their very smiles from those who seem cloaked in perpetual dim. it isn't life circumstance. some of the most beautiful, free, light souls have gone through deep pain and many setbacks. it's not money, or fame, or careers, or pretty bodies that decide who the happy ones are. 

it's our own decision. to trust in God. to believe His promises for us. and to continue to choose it everyday. it's an understanding that obstacles and setbacks and failures are either going to make us stronger or defeat us. it's entirely up to us what power we give to them. 

it's like magic, really. with God, and the power of your own mind and soul you can transform the biggest challenges to nothing but a lesson along the road. change a mile-wide chasm to a thin and albeit scary bridge, but a bridge no less. 

choose light, nurture the secret hopes you have, and turn your chasms into bridges. 

-from Nie