dear modern me

 "We tend to shy away from mourning and dancing. Too afraid to cry, too shy to dance. We become narrow-minded complainers, avoiding pain and also true human joy. While we live in a world subject to the evil one, we belong to God. Let us mourn, and let us dance."

this is where I put the things I dig out of my heart. I blog here because I have grown tired of being directed here and there. told what to think, what to feel, where to look, what to care about, who to support, how the world works. for my world is not run by the everyday people, by money, or by politics. 

but by God. 

                         by art. 

                                        by emotions. 

                                                                by hope. 

                                                                                         by belief. 

aren't you tired of other people's perspectives and morals and illusions clouding around you like second-hand smoke? I am. 

I want to to get back to me. back home. back where I was before the world picked me up and shook me so fiercely, changed my name. when did everything churn into something I do not recognize? where did the honesty go? what is weird about daydreaming at 24 years old or gushing about the beauty of the world? who are these people I walk side by side with? 

I miss my childhood days. and not because of the trials of adulthood. but because I was solely, so entirely me. It is so easy to get lost in the winding ways of this world. if you do not remind yourself of who you are, someone else will tell you. 

becoming is an art. a long lost art. and values are becoming archaic. and differences are washed away in a vicious movement of forced acceptance and similarity. I just want to be me and be who God wants me to be. I do not want to follow this world's agenda. other people's paths. other people's ideas and thoughts. they are contagious and they lead me away from my purpose. what is success if it is an imitation? what is progress if it is in the wrong direction? when did not being unapologetically me become an option?

-from Nie